butterfly 2008


Yesterday I fell asleep in the arms of a chocolate tree
Behind a dumpster on pier 66, the smell of the ocean made my mouth water
But there was nothing I could do but sleep.
I woke up around 4am, and got dressed
And walked away and did not look back.
He was not like you Jack, my butterfly junkie,
I presume you are dead since no butterflies have knocked my door for five years.
Noticing a bum sprawled in the entrance to Pike Place Market,
I paused and laid down next too him and watched him breathe.

Remembering how you breathed when you were asleep
And how I watched you gently dreaming of heroin lolly poppy fields.

The sun slowly dripping between the curtains of the shit stained studio apartment,
On the hill with no bathroom, only a can in the corner.
Clint Mansell echoing in the darkness of sun shit petals I gave too you.

But you tossed them aside as you reached for the needle, the spoon and your death.

I watched you awkwardly, I shivered with anticipation, leaning forward as you cooked,

The only way a good a cook should know how.

I smelled you and I breathed you in as you sighed when the butterflies started to fly.

And suddenly we exploded together as I came with realization and you with adoration.

But not with me and I for once came too the conclusion that not all were bad,
There are only a few left and I met one, and he held me not with lust,
Not with selfish intentions nor with an uncaring spirit,
But with understanding love.

I got up and slowly backed away crying as I thought of you and wondered where you where.
I have been to the hill many times and I have not seen you.
My mind has come up with terrible things,
Did you die in an alleyway all alone?
While I was dancing on a pole,
Where you remembering the butterflies?
When I remembered your kiss while I walked past the secret butterfly garden?
Or maybe you fell asleep in your cocoon and woke up and spread those amazing happy wings of yours
And leapt out of your sadness and became the most beautiful butterfly in the world,
Shedding the sad butterfly
And maybe fell in love with a fairy in your dreams.

But the reality is……….

Before I left in the morning, I put my clothes on and turned to say goodbye,
But you did not respond, I stopped with my hands directly in front of you
And whispered, “Jack”?
Yet you still did not stir,
I screamed and screamed, “Jack”!!!!

And you did not move.

I sat on the edge of your box mattress and touched your arms where the butterflies had penetrated you.

And came to another realization that I slept near you while you died.

You were bleeding right through me while I slept.

Picking up your guitar I threw it through the sun shit curtains and screamed in agony.

I laid upon your corpse and stroked your hair.
I sang hush little baby don’t say a word,
In my dreams,

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