laughing occurs afterward

I am twenty six years old and whenever I am unable to speak I hit myself in my head
it happens usually when we fight or when I can’t see myself asking questions
before hand or sometimes not even at all laughing occurs afterward
then it’s always trees in my way above
laying upside down on this concrete bathtub in the middle of a field
wearing nothing but mismatched socks and bug bites

hopefully make believing this up as dreaming goes blackness seems so nice
if only I could get out my head this selfish whisper and give someone else a try