Aside

Alice put her dress on, her leggings, did her hair and drank a beer  she reattached her eyelashes, checked her email, did her nails  Then she drank another one  She liked cheap beer in the morning, cheap beer for lunch  for dinner she ate nothing but black licorice and roasted peanuts  she worked in the city for a rich old person who never left the bed, she made tea  she ran errands, she looked forward to her death  Alice was in her mid twenties, had three close friends whom she never spoke too  She wasn’t close with her parents , probably since they were dead  didn’t have siblings  didn’t have a cat but she had one cockroach that she called Miss Billy  MIss Billy didn’t talk much but ALice didn’t give a fuck  Her one and only boyfriend was a transvestite who worked at a gas station  Her name was Catherine C. C.  Cat C,C, loved pink nail polish and old Christmas carols  She swore up and down to Alice that she had the biggest dick  in this fucking small town  Alice knew it, the math teacher knew it, everybody knew it  it was you know Kentucky

 Alice had dreams of leaving this town, buying a cat off a crackhead  A red one she preferred  one she could sit in a tree with and daydream about talking cats  little kings and pompous dodo birds, long trips to somewhere than here  a ferry boat ride, some sea lions and her first time smoking a joint  Take a hit kid, breathe it in, hold it, hold it, ok exhale  being a princess in the forest has it’s moments  I get to to get stoned with these dudes wearing camo  at first they don’t know what to think of me, i usually have twigs in my hair  birds on my shoulders and a moss outfit I made for free  then one of them usually says all drunk, “hey man, it’s a fairy person man.’  i shrug, the big fat dude hands me a joint and they all just stare at me  we get high, they ask questions, i don’t speak they back away slowly  i get up and walk back to the Hotel my parents own four miles away  take off my dress, get in the shower, change my clothes, go back to the woods  those red neck motherfuckers are cheaper than a drug dealer

 Doctor what do you think of Alice? I am afraid Doctor that she might hurt herself  No, she won’t she is what we liked to call in medical school, a starstruck slut  one of those girls who can’t grow up but loves the dirty things in life, shall we say?  the dirty things?  yes, nurse.. those dirty things  dirty nasty daddy craving cock guzzling, cum whore special girls, you know  the kind that wears 80.00 stockings from a factory in Japan

 What about Pocahontas?

 That girl is what we call troubled, she believes she is something she is not,  she believes it so strongly she will put herself in harms way  just to prove a point  She needs drugs, Nurse, lots and lots of drugs  in a shot, in a pill give it to her or I will  Ignore her imagination, if we ignore her made up self for a period of time  She will realize she is not a child, she is a young woman  she needs to act like it

 Alice smoked some meth before her therapy appointment  it made her calm, she was so anxious without it, she needed it to be happy  happy was something she had to be, otherwise she would sink  sinking like her heart, that she didn’t even know existed  until she wasn’t a virgin anymore  meth was something she just happened upon  like a fucking labyrinth in the middle of a shoe store

 Pocahontas hated group therapy, she wanted to go back into the woods  sleep the day away with the tree trunk stump thing that looked like a unicorn  she didn’t understand why her Mom was making her do this shit  It wasn’t like she had problems, it was not her that was fucked  it was everybody else, she was free in the forest  why couldn’t anyone see that?  She was not about to explain her revelation to a fucking therapist  they never understand anything  Snow White was born to loving parents, a happy couple.  They loved her, cherished her every smile in pictures up on the mantelpiece but then they died.  Snow White was sent away to live with her Aunt Helen who locked her up in the attic with the rats tied to a chair. Snow White was afraid at first,  she calmed herself by singing the lullabies her mom had sung to her when she was young.  She was ten when her Aunt Helen let her out of the attic  but by then Snow White was already fluent in the beautiful language of the rats.  Snow White had dark hair glossy locks that craved the outer rims of space  She was perfect but insane , she plotted Aunt Helen’s terrible death with relish  that bitch deserved it  it was meant to be  the rats told her she would be happier, she could finally cry  Alice got off the bus, lit a cigarette and flicked the ash. It was eighteen past four, she had twelve minutes until hell. Might as well get a couple drags or three.  Alice walked across the street past the drug addicts fixing in plain daylight, she thought about what the doctor had said, schizophrenia, anti social, oppositional defiant disorder among other things like nymphomania. She used sex to treat the pain of what? she didn’t know, it was just there this gnawing ever growing presence. The only thing that made her better was cock and beer, sometimes drinking tea and riding the carousel at the park that nobody ever went too anymore. A couple days ago, she had bought a cat off craigslist, a red one with blue eyes she called Dinah. Yesterday after she smoked twenty bucks worth of meth, Alice and Dinah sat under the willow tree day dreaming about New York City.  She was supposed to go to this stupid group to work on her emotions, how to talk to people. Use her words instead of her body to get what she wanted. It was a waste of fucking time, she needed to plan her escape. She needed a rabbit with a pocket watch. She needed to get high. Good thing the doctor liked her, he wasn’t just her doctor he was also a trick. What magical things he had, money, drugs and for moment while she rested on her belly with a stream of cum dribbling down her chin to her neck, she saw three birds perched on the wire outside. She saw the clouds and the drizzling rain and thought to herself, I can do anything. I am going to be somebody. Her boyfriend wasn’t much help, she was to preoccupied with her surgery coming up. AT last she said, CC screamed to the world. I will finally have a vagina this Friday. She screamed and howled, it was beautiful  Group therapy was in the basement of a bank. Held in a large windowless room peeling yellow pain. Two rectangular tables pushed against each other. A potted plant by the door. Snow White held her breath counting to twenty sighing clenching her fists by her side. The elevator too fucking slow. She thought about the conversation she had at the bus stop with the drunk native who peed in his shorts. He told her he liked her boots that they reminded him of his mother. He said his mother was a princess of the third galactic empire three thousand miles away from the moon. He then asked Snow White what she wanted to be when she grew up. Snow White looked down at her boots a dark red leather and said. “Loved.”  The drunk native dude snorted and said. “I wanted to be a pirate. Look at me. Did I make it?”  The bus came it started to rain. It poured.  Pocahontas wiped her mouth stood up fumbling with her zipper the guy with the fancy shirt put on his pants. Handed her sixty bucks and walked away. Sometimes you gotta do what you should never have to do. She checked her phone. She had six minutes before group. She was hungry so she walked to the taco stand and ordered a Chile relleno with gouda. It was good. She stood by the ashtray feeling sorry for herself. God. I am such a whore felt around for a decent butt, nothing there. Pulled her hoodie over her head and walked inside.  You might have a problem with drinking if you wake up on the side of the road with the skirt you bought at k mart gone and the fake eyelashes you spent twenty bucks on gone as well. Who knows lovie, you might be an alcoholic. But, but, my daddy he was one, I can’t be. I am normal. I have to be normal, Normal is as normal does sweetpea, you got to grow up my dear. You should talk you fucking asshole, banging your mom, keeping her company after your dad left. That is not what normal people would call normal now?  The things you hear as you wait for the elevator to group therapy. Nobody notices you when you are wearing a red velvet hoodie, for all the know you could be a statue or a picture hanging completely forgotten by everybody .

 The clock ticked, Alice picked her nails, crossed her legs sneered at the wall, Pocahontas braided her hair crossed her eyes and wished she could smoke the rest of her cigarette. Snow White kept her head down, clenched her fists and wished she were dead.

Alice contemplated suicide on a daily basis, it was romantic. Never waking up, what did one think when dead? Does the moon really have a face? Was the ocean bottomless? Who killed Marilyn Monroe? Alice fancied these particular questions. They made her feel young again. As if her whole life was based upon the answers. Then it all dissolved, when she woke up, when she borrowed a glass of milk and when she for the second time tried to drown herself in the bathtub. She tried asking CC for help. But CC was much to busy shoving her cock between her legs to even notice Alice’s existence. So Alice smoked meth and pretended to be a boy named Alex. Alex was big and strong, was into muscle cars, Baywatch and flirting with busty creole twenty year olds. Alex was fun to be for about ten minutes but Alice needed more meth. So Alice called her sister Robert who was a Hermaphrodite to call the dealer who lived in the pink mansion down the street. It was beautiful, a white trash Barbie doll dream house. Their Christmas parties are supposed to be fantastic. The dealer supposedly had an attic full of elves that served him for one purpose. Sexual Satisfaction. The dealer was also mad about hats, he had every kind of hats that anybody could ever dream of having. He had plastic hats, musical hats, blue hats, teddy bear hats and tree hats. The dealer was also a big fan of tea parties, he once invited the whole state of Kentucky to one of his tea parties but only four people showed up. Alice of course but she was only there to borrow the dollhouse hat and buy sixty bucks worth of meth. The dealers wife, their one eyed daughter and the crazy lady that sold twigs door to door. He liked to collect tea from all over the world. Earl Grey from a Kmart in Michigan. Chai from a Target in Portland Oregon and China White from her daughters boyfriend. They all got high because the Earl Grey was gone and the albino python ate up all the Chai, so all they had was the China White, Alice decided she wanted to try some but the dealer wouldn’t let her have any for free, so Alice stripped naked and did a dance on the coffee table in the backyard.

Pocahontas breathed in the sweet smoky mind numbing substance, ran her hands up and down her hips, flicked her nipples tilted her head back and forth, bit her lips and fell back into the arms of that dangerous stranger who was ever so nice.
She had met him while shopping for vegan turkey bacon at the new co op save the feral chickens store in the industrial part of town no one respectable her mother would approve of would ever dare go. He was sexy in that I was ugly in high school had no friends but read a lot of kurt vonnegut kind of way. He had blue eyes that were always pinned and carried around his pet sugar glider he affectionately called nurse ratched. Pocohantas told him that she liked his shoes which was quite hysterical since he wasn’t wearing any, he laughed and touched her cheek. It probably wasn’t love, more like a crush that would never go anywhere because he probably would never call and he probably would forget her name after a couple days. But she didn’t care, all she wanted was rough sex, an escape. Those stupid red necks in the forest weren’t her type, they had terrible weed and she was fed up up with waiting for them to come around. She had on her Indian princess outfit her head against the dirt, fucking her doggystyle, it felt rather good, it made her forget about that fucking therapy she had to go to again tomorrow. When she went last week, there were only two other girls and they were freaks. One girl was white as a ghost, bit her fingernails and talked to herself, she was crying and it was very annoying and that other girl looked like a first class skank with her sluttish thigh high stockings and her make up done perfectly. The teacher didn’t even come, it was a waste of time but she had to go or her mother would call up that place and send her there until she turned eighteen. Pocohantas seriously doubted that there would be a chance to do drugs and take some cock while reading bible verses and cleaning toilets in that jesus loves you hell hole. So she got naked on all fours, stared at her ass all night. Flexing, wishing she could just fuck herself.

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