my real father was a bad egg, he was a drug dealing child raping bastard who killed my mother, I heard him shouting at her, her crying, the covers over my head. I heard her call my name, I was too afraid, I heard him drag her by her hair and throw her out the window to her death. She broke her neck in the garden she loved so much, the one we planted together last summer. He popped open a beer, I heard the couch creak, the tv turned on the sound of shoes kicked off into the corner, the rain dripped on my window, it was broken, I had broke it. I was upset, my father killed my only friend the night before he killed my mother, he killed my dog. He cracked her skull against the window, she died in my arms. My mother a ghost, how did she know. I knew, I knew my father. He was a monster.
I ran away, I took a lock of my mother’s hair, I wanted to carve her eye out, she had the bluest green glass eyes, but her face was caved in. My father had gone out and smashed it in. I turned her over to face the roses we had planted together and I left.
before i left, i murdered my father, i seduced him, i drank with him, i laughed with him, i spilt his head open with his ax. it was beautiful, the way he stared at me blood running down his face, his eyes glazed like honey on ham. i pushed him over with my finger, his penis out of his dark slacks, the ones he liked to wear while playing his music. he fell over, broke his guitar he swore up and down he got signed by jimi hendrix in the early 70’s. i flipped him off, stole his wallet, took the keyes and all the gold in the safety deposit box behind the naked picture of claire danes in the lower bathroom. I drove away, knowing nobody would care, the world was falling apart anyways. my mother had been my only solace in these woods, now everybody was dead. i had been my fathers lover for almost twelve years, sixteen now, a virgin never, free finally. I headed towards the city of the dead.
i got there, the ice cream store was on fire, rainbow sprinkles everywhere, in the gutter. the police staion was decorated from roof to concrete in corpses, heads hanging from branches.sirens on and off and on and off and back again, i liked the sound, people screaming, children crying. it was just another day in the world already dying. what had set them off, no one knew but one day people just went fucking crazy and started killing everybody and everything. my dad was a monster before that, he was evil before the world went nuts but when the world went nuts, i didn’t give a fuck anymore. I knew one day, i would kill him.
I was already in the city when people started to kill people around them. the first time was in the cafe, i had ordered two eggs over easy and had just sat down to drink my cup of coffee when a man walked in with a gun walked up to the barista who had the bright blue hair and shot her in the face, he laughed then he shot himself. I remember screaming, standng up but nobody came for hours. I couldn’t leave, outside was a beautiful day, Birds were singing, i had just ordered tickets to a rock concert I had been obsessed over for years. The band was speckled eggs, a favorite of mine. from Estonia. Their music helped me sleep. I had heard they had all died in a crash on their way to the city. I got a bottle of wine, drank myself to a terrible sleep in the city park. I coudn’t go home, somebody had blown my apartment building up
They call me pudding pie, they tell me i have sweet lips. I guess you could say I do, i have been on the streets in this fucking city for almost all my life. I was a whore’s son, i learned how to walk on glass, my toys were syringes with styrofoam for heads, my pets, my friends. I kissed girls, i kissed boys, i kissed husbands and made their wives cry. I look good in blue, kind of like a robin egg blue. Speckled blue some call it. I killed someone yesterday, they were hurting my friend, i bashed their head open with a piece of brick. over and over and over again and again until i was covered in their brains. my friend laughed, told me i looked good in guts.